And the thought of leaving should frighten you, it should scare you, it should make you question your entire decision to actually leave. And that is why if you’re thinking about leaving, leave. The change, the indecision, the uncomfortable feeling of being thrown into something you aren’t even totally sure about, is thrilling. It’s exciting; it’s an experience within itself, before your bigger adventure. Oh, and a forewarning, those mental and emotional breakdowns are definitely going to happen. Be prepared, but also, embrace them! They help you realize certain aspects of yourself and of what you want to do, where you want to go, who you want to be. The change is important, and for me, the change is always necessary.
My biggest fears are probably failure and disappointment. Before leaving for Spain, or any other trip on my own, the thought of not living up to other’s expectations of me – and even my own expectations I set for myself – scared me. I think that is the main reason why I can never fully commit to something; because diving head first into the unknown, and committing myself to that idea is so scary! The fear of commitment is so real!! Being here in Spain is bringing this “fear of commitment” problem more and more into my every day life. Yikes, does anyone else have any skeletons in their closet? Y’all are getting into the nitty, gritty of my thoughts!
First of all, I want to be honest on this space because if I want to inspire others by my own actions, I never want to sugarcoat my own experiences. To be honest, there are many days where I question if I made the right decision to move to Spain, away from my family and my friends. There are days where I feel like I did not make the right decision. I feel like I am missing out on being there for my youngest sister while she goes through her awkward teenage years, I’m missing out on being there for my other sister as she transitions to life away at college and all the trials and self discoveries she’ll encounter. I feel like I am missing out on spending time with my parents and with the rest of my family. I often feel like I’m missing out on the lives of my friends, as they’re finding full time jobs with salaries and benefits. One aspect about moving abroad that I never thought about, was that the feeling of being “homesick” is so much stronger. There are memories, inside jokes, moments, holidays, parties, etc, that my friends and family will be able to share – and I’m here, in Spain, not being able to take part of any of it. It kindof leaves a pain in my chest.
Then, there is the second part of me, the part that is more intuition than brains that soothes me when these thoughts creep into my mind. Some background information about me, I am definitely more of a do now, think later type of gal. I consistently choose to follow those feelings of mine, get myself into some sort of situation, and then figure it out later. There are definitely moments where I’m in a pickle, or a large pickle, and I’m thinking, “oh shit… what did I get myself into?” But, the good part of that is, everything is always a learning experience! (: The second part of me, made up of intuition, feelings, the butterflies, and all my mumbo jumbo and belief of “fate” tells me that following your gut is always the way to go. And thus, this is why I’m in Spain! Hoorah!
I’m over here chasing these wild dreams of mine! I’m doing a few mundane things here and there, but as my roommate consistently reminds me:
“Tranquila, Cassandra. El mundo no cambia en un mes… tranquila.”
Which translates to: “Calm down, Cassandra. The world does not change in one month… calm down.”
I’m in Spain, chasing my dreams slowly, and figuring out what I could want to do for the rest of my life. Travel? Quite possibly. Write? Maybe. Work with children? This could be true. Inspire, create, change the world? Absolutely. Make an impact on people’s lives? For sure. Do something different and avoid the corporate appeal? Oh yes! If you’re thinking about leaving, for goodness sake, leave. Leaving my comfort zone has brought me one step, maybe a big step or maybe a little step, closer to finding what my passion is. Living in Spain has broadened my mind and opened it to more possibilities of work that I could want to pursue in the future. If I hadn’t left my comfort zone, I wouldn’t have found that I could live in a different country, adapt to a different culture, and immerse myself into a completely different language. It’s possible! I’m doing it – it’s boring some days and on other days, my chest swells by the idea of living out this amazing opportunity. Leave! Join me! Which, by the way, I’m always looking for a travel buddy to embark on weird adventures with (;
I found a few of these quotes to be inspiring and comforting while deciding on what I could possibly want to do with my life; and if taking that big leap to hop over the pond, known as the Atlantic Ocean, was a good idea or not. Hopefully, some of these will help you too!
“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking”
“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”
“Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way.”
Booker T Washington
“Never was anything great achieved without danger.”
“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.”
“Change brings opportunity”
“The most effective way to do it is to do it.”