I was a loser. Actually, someone called me a loser in 5th grade and it stuck with me ever since. Silly, right? When you’re in elementary school, name-calling can make a lasting impression! I considered myself a nerd, dork, someone who hangs out with the less popular crowd. Then, one day, I woke up and decided I wanted to be a badass instead. I wanted to portray a fierce diva, who doesn’t care about what anyone else says and does whatever they want! So, what did badass Cassandra do? Well, like any normal and rational person…

I shaved the side of my head!

Normal and rational, right? I was feeling a bit defeated, and like I lost myself. I was insecure and totally NOT confident in who I was and what the heck I was doing. Ever since I was little, I had always followed what everyone told me I needed to do. This meant I listened to what everyone said, did as I was told, and never questioned authority. In elementary school all the way to high school, I’m sure I was deemed the “goody tw0-shoes”.

Well, “goody two-shoes” Cassandra was tired of feeling like she had no control of her life. I was tired of following what everyone else was doing. My attitude started to change, the way I dressed started to change, and my mentality started to change. So, to top off the “fierce transformation”, I asked one of my best friends to shave the side of my head! This is the same friend, who I asked to dye my hair bright red on a whim. Yes, y’all, I had bright red hair before I shaved my head! My parents were not pleased.

It was the week before classes started at James Madison University. We were hanging out at her house, and it was around 10pm. I remember feeling dejected and uninspired. My confidence level had dropped and I really wasn’t sure if I was “my own person” or following what my then boyfriend liked. Between thoughts about being a phony, I asked my friend if she could give me an undercut. She immediately asked me if I was being serious. My answer was “YES, let’s do it right now!”. She grabbed her clippers and we went into the bathroom. Next thing we both know, the left side of my hair was strewn all over the floor and the sink!

The Power of NGAF

The power of NGAF (not giving a fuck) is pretty crucial to hone in on your badass self. It takes a lot of courage to accept your flaws and embrace them. Y’all, we aren’t perfect and expecting that of ourselves is a lot of pressure. Harnessing this “NGAF” attitude allowed me to find courage in myself, besides leaning on others to find my voice. I have a tendency to always rely on someone else’s opinion before making a decision. There was a point where I couldn’t make my own decisions unless I talked to someone else first. It’s great to get a second opinion of things, and advice from friends and family, but it’s not ok when we start to use their answers to live our lives.

If you’re struggling to find your own voice, harnessing your big badass self, and learning to embrace your inner fierce diva, you are not alone. As women, it’s our responsibility to build one another up and encourage each other.

Here’s how YOU can start honing in on your big badass self:

1. Fix your posture
   My parents and grandparents have told me since childhood: “fix your posture”. Slouching, walking hunched over, and sitting lazily was NEVER allowed!  It is amazing what fixing your posture can do to build confidence. My grandma and mom can be a bit “traditional”, but their belief about great posture can make a world of a difference. When slouched, our body language portrays us as timid, unsure, and passive. Hunching over while walking makes it seem like we are trying to hide. Sitting lazily can look like we don’t care. Everywhere I walk, I make sure to never walk slouched. I stand straight and tall, and proud of who I am. I have colleagues who tell me that I always seem confident when I walk into a room, because I make sure to walk proudly. Heck, when I am nervous or unsure, I still make sure I walk into a room and “OWN IT”! Again, *fake it till you make it usually works for me*
2. Strong handshakes
   I read in an article a while ago that a handshake can tell a lot about someone. A weak handshake means that a person isn’t confident and is usually shy. A stronger handshake portrays confidence and a “sureness” of themselves. I’m not saying when you shake hands, grip the other person’s hand until they let go! When initially meeting someone, I make sure to always offer my hand first. If it seems as though there is the awkward “who will introduce themselves first”, I take the initiative and offer my hand. These situations usually make me nervous, which then usually make my hands clammy. But, offering the first handshake, introducing myself first, and having a strong grip usually lets other people know that I’m confident enough in who I am.
3. Take initiative
   I mentioned in an earlier post about excuses being one of my biggest pet peeves. Well, another big pet peeve of mine is when people don’t take initiative. It is very understandable that sometimes taking the initiative can be terrifying and scary. But, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do it! I absolutely hate waiting for someone to “step up” when it seems as though no one else wants to. These situations are awkward and uncomfortable for me. Taking initiative usually requires me to give myself a quick pep-talk before I do something. Hone in on your badass self, suck it up, and take initiative! If we want something done, we HAVE to take the initiative to get it started first. Do it, I dare you!

You Badass, You

Being a badass chick isn’t about the type of clothes you wear, the type of people you hang out with, or any of that. For me, being a fucking badass means portraying confidence and going after what we want. Let me tell you a secret, I’m terrified half of the time I’m doing something. More than half the time before I press publish on these blog posts, I am scared that I sound silly or what I’m writing is extremely irrelevant. The one thing that constantly pushes me to NGAF (not give a fuck) is that this is MY life and I want to achieve some BIG DREAMS.

So, ladies, how badass are YOU?

Liked this post? Check out my Fall Lookbook vlog, featuring this outfit and three other outfits! I also talk body confidence and how clothes can help!